


Have No Regrets

by JahStorybook



Category: Team Fortress 2
Genre: Best crack, Coming Out, Crack, Dark Comedy, Drowning, Engi has backstory, I'm talking tiny man, M/M, Multi, Near Death Experiences, Short Scout, Sort of? - Freeform, Team Bonding, dark moments with funny undertones, or maybe the opposite
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-01-03
Updated: 2020-01-03
Packaged: 2021-02-27 06:15:32
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,179
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/22082449
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/JahStorybook/pseuds/JahStorybook
Summary: The nine mercenaries are trapped in a cave that's quickly filling with water, and with one last dramatic, if not slightly comical, act, make sure they won't take all their secrets to the grave.Too bad they don't actually die and now everyone knows rather too much about each other.Originally just gonna be a speeding bullet story but also some implied relationships, and some more than just implied (like DadSpy).
Relationships: Demoman & Soldier (Team Fortress 2), Minor or Background Relationship(s), Scout & Sniper (Team Fortress 2), Scout & Spy (Team Fortress 2), Scout/Sniper (Team Fortress 2)
Comments: 11
Kudos: 160





	Have No Regrets

God it was dark. Everything was wet, terrifying. There was no way out of the cave, not with rocks that had came down over their only exit blocking their way. Not just their way, but the water springing from the wall's way.

Everyone seemed to be in shock. They were all processing it in their own way, giving each other a minute to come to terms with what was about to happen. Scout was having a hard time doing that, trying to use his bat to break down the barricade blocking in the rising water, and Pyro was trying to help. The two weren't making any progress, and Pyro seemed to know this.

Spy had taken his watch out and simply looked at the neatly folded picture inside of it for quite some time. His face was solemn, regretful, but the hint of a smile crossed his face a few times, as though he were remembering something fondly. 

Demo was cursing up a storm, wading through the shin deep water towards Soldier to wrap his arms around the frozen man and offer him words of comfort. He tilted the man's helmet up, revealing that he was actually crying. They held each other, a moment of peace at last.

Sniper was holding his gun close, standing on some rocks to try and get as high as possible. Engi seemed to think that was a good idea, too. Together they'd managed to find a ledge and were feeling around for higher ground still.

Heavy was trying to save Medic, even to the end, picking the man up and despite the doctor's protests, telling him to grab a hold of something, anything, above them. Scout's back made a particularly harsh cracking sound and he dropped the bat, leaning against the wall. Pyro rested his hand on him gently. 

"It's not breaking," the youngest of them said, spinning around and seeming to finally realize that they were all heading towards a watery grave, fast. His face contorted in horror and pain. "God, I don't know what to do. What if it doesn't break? Guys! It's not breaking! I- I-"

Spy put his watch back on and approached the runner, pulling him close in what was probably the most urgent hug any of them had ever seen. Scout was shaking, maybe from the cold, maybe from the tears, no one seemed to mind. They could feel it, too, after all.

"Men, it looks like this may just be the end for us," Soldier said, voice echoing around in the dark cave as he dropped his hand to entangle it with Demo's. "I for one and not going to go down with regrets. I would like to confess that my name is Jane. Also this man is my friend, my closest companion, and I am proud to call him a fellow american."

Silence. Everyone was quiet, letting the two of them give each other strong looks before Demo dropped his helmet and kicked it across the surface of the water, now at his knees. 

"And I'm proud to be called it. I love every single one a you's, and if I had to go back and do it different, I may drink a lil less but I wouldn't give up any o' this." Medic, who at this point had managed to get Heavy to put him down, sagged against the wall.

"If we're confessing then I guess I should tell you... I burned all of your files so that Mann co. could never touch us again, and I operate without a medical license," he said, bringing his hand up to his face. "Oh and I killed the last Medic." He didn't sound angry or regretful, just tired. So tired. 

"Heavy has no regrets, but... does love everyone. Like family." Heavy and Medic made their way to Soldier and Demo, looking up at Sniper and Engi trying to scale their way out.

"I have two kids, girls. Sarah and Lizzy. I never paid them enough attention and now they probably don't even remember my face," Engi said, and they all did their best to console him with solemn looks and gentle pats. Something about the Texan always screamed broken, like he fixed things because he couldn't fix himself.

A massive tremor rocked the ground and the water started to rise faster, now just below their thighs. Rocks fell down around the Australian clinging to safety, making him shout and curse.

"Christ, alright! Back home I left my wife one night and never came back! I never told her where I was going, just disappeared and became a professional killer," Sniper shouted, hugging the wall of the cave as though it were about to come down. It just might. Pyro joined them, but he didn't say anything. Just like that little oddball to keep an air of mystery even in the face of actual death. 

"I sometimes continue to operate even after the patient is dead!" Medic got a few cold stares. Before any could ask just who all he'd let die, Demoman interjected.

"I once got so drunk I thought a diner were me house and threw up on a waiter."

"My name isn't really Dell, it's actually Delores," Engi cried, dropping his head into his hands. "My pa thought it would be a real laugh and I couldn't change til I was an adult."

"Sunsets make Heavy cry!" 

Spy pushed back an arm's length from Scout, who wasn't looking much better, and everyone seemed to take in a collective shocked breath. They all watched expectantly, each of them making no effort to hide the fact that they'd been waiting for this moment for a very long time.

"Thomas, you're my son! I am in love with your mother! I've been in love with her for over twenty years now! I know you don't want yo hear this, but I'm... _I'm your father_." Even if his voice started out strong and rushed, that probably wasn't what knocked Scout back all the same. The Boston boy stumbled and hit the wall of debris, shaking his head. "I met your mother twenty three years ago and when you were born I-I left."

They may have expected yelling, more crying, even for Scout to throw a punch. Eagerly they waited why he processed, chest rising and falling as fast as a rabbit's. Instead of winding up for a punch, with shaky knees the runner righted himself, took a hesitant step towards his father, and fell back into his arms.

"Fuck you! I knew you were more than just an ass!" Spy stumbled back at the attack, bumping into Soldier who righted the man and let them have their moment. Scout hadn't fessed up his regrets yet, but with the water lapping at his waist on account of his shortness he may not have much time. Unlike Engi, he hadn't sought out a ledge.

"Leave no regrets," Soldier shouted, startling some of the other mercenaries. "No regrets! No regrets! No regrets!" His chanting was soon strengthened by Demo, and before long they were all shouting it, even Spy, who pulled his knife out only to toss it into the water before shouting with them.

"I don't like Miss Pauling!" They all quieted down. Scout was shaking and had his head ducked down into Spy's chest, hiding his face. "I never liked her, not the way I always said! I don't even like girls!" 

"You-" Spy started, before clearly thinking better of it. He glanced at the others, as if seeking last minute advice, but all he got was an awkward shrug from Sniper, who looked away after making eye contract, and an I told you so stare from Medic. "I love you, Thomas. Your mother would be so proud of you."

"And I'm bangin' him," Sniper said, voice strong but nervous. They all swiveled around to look at him, Spy's eyes a bit more narrow than the others.

"We are all fine american men! If I am to die in battle, I am proud to die alongside my fellow soldiers," Soldier for just one moment grew quiet. Everyone was moving closer to the walls, climbing up the rocky ledge to where Engi and Sniper waited to help them up. "Godspeed, men, and may you all find peace."

There was another tremor just then and Spy's grip on Scout faltered as he was trying to push him closer to the others. Him and Sniper both slipped into the water, earning several shouts from the mercenaries. Scout hadn't fallen as far as Sniper, but a sudden gush of water from the spring had him careening all the way against the furthest wall. Sniper had resurfaced then and grabbed a hold of him. 

"Come on, pumpkin, we're not dying just yet," the Aussie said loudly, water up to his shoulders now. Scout's head came up just in time for everyone to catch one last glimpse of the two of them before the cave ceiling shook violently, dropping more debris on top of them. 

"Thomas!" Spy made as if to slip down into the water but was stopped by Demo and Medic. The cold was nothing, now. A distant thought, if a thought at all. They all watched the water anxiously, waiting for any sign of movement beyond the bits of cave and water sloshing around. It was too quiet, too silent and still.

Scout slipped out of Sniper's grip. Something had hit his shoulder, the water was rising, but all he could think was that Scout had slipped out of his hands. He followed the only movement he could make out in the dark and was lucky enough to catch the runner's ankle. 

Tugging him close and righting him, he stood upright and kicked, happy to find the water wasn't over his head just yet.

"There, look," Engi cried, pointing at Sniper's head as it appeared out of the dark water. 

"Give your hand ere," Demo shouted over the rushing water, reaching for Sniper as the man did his best to wade closer to them. Sniper extended his hand as well, and when Demo pulled him up they were relieved to see he still had Scout wrapped in his other arm. Both of them were helped mostly out of the water, Scout being passed up first by Sniper before the lankier man grabbed a rock and tugged himself up. 

"OOOHHWK," Pyro shook Engi by the shoulder, pointing up. A hole had opened up and the smallest bit of light was shining in. 

"Well I'll be! Another one of those shakes and we may just have a way out of here," Engi told them, eyeing the opening. 

"Or we may be crushed, or did you not notice the falling rocks," Spy quipped, voice lacking most of its usual venom. 

"If we can stay close to the walls and stay afloat long enough, it could work," Sniper said, putting an arm under Scout, who looked very pale and was blinking rather slowly at them all. "But I'm not sure Scout or Pyro are really up for that." As if to prove a point, Scout's head fell forward.

"Did he hit his head," Medic asked. Pyro's suit was one thing, if Scout was injured then keeping him above the freezing water while it raised the next twenty or so feet would be quite difficult.

"I can get him up there," Spy volunteered. "I am an excellent swimmer, and I know how to keep his head above water." 

"Even with the rate at which this water is rising, I'm not sure any of us will last that long before the cold sets in and we all drown." And that was where Pyro actually had the upper hand. Insulated suit. 

"We stay out for as long as we can then," Demo offered, reaching further up the wall and finding a hold to hoist himself up with. They watched him make it a few feet before his found solid enough ground to stand again. "Right here, start climbing laddies!"

He didn't exactly have to tell them twice. Soldier went next, moving fast to let Medic follow up next. Heavy gently took Pyro and hoisted the man up, watching him catch the ledge and work his way from there. 

"Give Scout. Heavy can carry him up." Sniper moved Scout's arm from around his neck and let Heavy place him over his shoulder before he set up the wall, feet slipping on the slippery rock.

"You next Engi, waters getting deep." The Texan nodded and didn't even wait til Heavy was half way up before he was copying the man's moves, feeling for the same footholds. "Spy, you next. If you're gonna be keeping Scout afloat you'll want to stay as dry as possible until the water hits us again." 

"Thank you for saving him," the spook said, not moving just yet. "You could have swam back up sooner, but you chose to help him, didn't you?" Sniper would rather he hadn't of noticed that.

"Just got lucky. Get a move on!" Spy nodded and started up a second before Sniper did as well.

By the time they were all on the ledge and pressed against the wall, another heavy vibration rocked the cave and knocked a good person sized chunk down from their goal. The water was slowing, much to everyone's relief and dismay, so Medic took a moment to look at Scout's head. He indeed had hit it falling down, but there was little Medic could do. He had to work with what he had, and what he had was Scout's grip tape. He used it to wrap around the runner's skull, grateful for the tedious and long strips Scout insisted on using.

"As soon as we can't stand, I say we swim on over to that wall," Engi suggested, gesturing to just under the opening. "It'll be easier than holding our breath and having to go under." Demo grabbed the wall all of a sudden.

"I can feel another tremor, lads! Hold on!" This one wasn't as bad as the others, but with all the damage done it seemed to loosen up everything. The ledge they were all huddled on shifted and the walls made an awful creaking sound as most of the ceiling seemed to start caving in. Their escape exit widened, the water raised, and everyone held the wall as tight as they could.

Pyro and Medic's gloves had to be removed, and Spy had taken his off the moment they got stuck, making it easier for all of them to cling to the wet rock and each other as water pooled around their legs. Spy carefully took Scout, moving the boy in front of him and getting ready to float. 

They didn't have to wait long, it would seem, as the last shake caused the water to start rising faster again. One by one they started swimming away from the ledge and closer to safety, each of them having trouble grabbing onto the wall when they reached it. Some of them found footholds and held onto the others.

Heavy supported Medic, who several times almost floated away, and Sniper helped Spy keep Scout's head above water by jamming his knife into wall with as much force as he could muster in the freezing water, creating a nice little tether.

None of them could quite reach the cave top yet, but they kept trying. Pyro's suit seemed to have filled up with air and he was staying above the surface at least. Several times he paddled past them happily, seeming to not realize the gravity of their situation. Maybe that was for the best.

Soldier had been the first to catch hold of the ledge to their exit, using the wall to propel himself up as he'd seen Scout do many times. 

"Tavish," the war veteran shouted, leaning back in to grab at Demo's flailing arm. It wasn't easy pulling him out, several times Demo slipped loose and fell back down, but eventually they were able to grip onto each other and Demo was free as well. Pyro had to be helped out by Heavy, and then the mountain of a man pushed Medic up. 

By then the water was high enough for most everyone to climb up on their own. Spy had a hard time keeping Scout from sinking or drifting out of his arms when he let go of Sniper's kuhkri to swim closer to the rest of them, urging Engi to grab Scout's arm while Spy reached up to grab Soldier's hand and Heavy grabbed Scout's. Together they helped pull the two out, Scout still hanging from his other hand and Heavy's.

Thanks to their conveyor belt method, that pulled the last of them out. They moved away from the cave after that, all nine accounted for, alive and well, unless Scout had brain damage.

Before them was an onyx black rock mountain, jagged and barren of life. Setting right before it a restless ocean that they had seen before entering the cave. If they'd known it was so close to the tunnels, they would have avoided using explosives back there.

"I can't believe we made it out alive," Engi said. The others seemed inclined to agree. "Hold on now... if we ain't dead or dying, then why'd we go and say all that stuff?" 

"Well I-" Sniper paused, looking at everyone growing increasingly uncomfortable. Heavy turned on Medic suspiciously. 

"You kill last Medic?" 

"Well, it's not like any of you knew him too well, that was years ago!" The two started arguing. Soldier immediately started making fun of _Delores_ , who in turn was quick to turn it around on _Jane_. Sniper made as if to back away but Spy noticed him before he got the chance. 

"So," the red suited merc started, rolling his sleeves up. "How was it you put it? You are, 'banging' my son?" 

"Now listen, Spook. I think it's best we all just forget all that. Right?" Spy continued to advance on him, flexing his hand for a quick second.

Scout woke up to a free for all, eyes trying to make sense of Pyro running by chasing after Medic who since had managed to put Heavy in some sort of time out where he sat facing away from the ruckus in a pout.

Vaguely he noticed his lover was face down in the rocks and Spy-who was now his father apparently- was shouting at him about something quite obscene. He'd have to sort that out later. The whole thing made his head throb in confusion. Or maybe that was just the overwhelming pain in the back of his skull.

Scout sat up next to Demo, who was watching the fight with growing fascination while sipping from a flask. 

"You like," he offered, and Scout wondered how he hadn't lost that little container in the water and also where in the world he was keeping it.

"I think I have a concussion," he said, before falling back over. 


End file.
